As some of you know, I had a recent job change. Changing jobs is a rather rigorous process. It entails searching out jobs that fit the description you are looking for (which can be few and far between), finding out how to apply to these and whom to contact, the interviewing process, negotiations on salary, etc. etc.
Well, having gone through this successfully recently (at least I feel successfully), I thought I’d give some pointers to those of you out there who are currently in the hunt. It’s tough to be able to tell when an employer is actually interested, it’s much like dating, a constant volley back and forth and having one of the two parties over-pursue the other. Until you find the right mate (or job, for our purposes), this can be quite a frustrating process. Below are some recommendations on how to get noticed by a potential employer.
As a job candidate, on your resume’…
1. ... attach a letter of recommendation from your mother.
2. ... use pale blue paper with teddy bears printed around the border.
3. ... explain the three-month gap in employment by saying that you were getting over the death of your cat.
4. ... specifiy that you’re availability to work Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays is limited because the weekends are “drinking time.”
5. ... include a picture of yourself in a cheerleading uniform (whether male or female, sure to gain some attention).
6. ... draw a picture of a car on the outside of the envelope and say the car would be a gift to the hiring manager.
7. ... list hobbies that include sitting on a levee at night watching alligators.
8. ... mention the fact that your sister had once won a strawberry-eating contest.
9. ... state that you work well in the nude.
10. ... explain an arrest record by stating, “We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.”
Hope this helps. Our next entry in a series on how to land a job is “How to Impress in an Interview.”
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